What IS the Size of an Average Man? (It's not what you're thinking.)

Since moving to Sweden, I've spent some time getting to know myself a bit better. I've learned basic Swedish and can engage in small talk with a stranger in IKEA, I know how to walk in snow without falling every couple of meters, and I know that I could commit myself to lady-like tasks in the morning and pound a bottle of vodka (blueberry) at night.

My latest attempt at lady-like hobbies did not go as well as I thought it would. I tried my hand at crocheting. The stitches are simple enough and anyone who has ever survived Home Economics class could finish a granny cozy or a doily. Then came this hat pattern that claimed to:

 Average male

Hat should look like this.

I followed the instructions and this is what I got:

Average-sized man which is an oompa-loompa? A midget? A ghost?

Does anyone out there know how to crochet?