Of Love and Other So-Called Demons

As much as a kilig-filled Valentine's post hailing Esmi the Bear and our relationship is proper and easy topic for this obligatory Hearts' Day post, I run the risk of gagging my few (two?) readers. So instead, I decided to make a post about failed relationships and how, as these so-called relationships hit the fan like elephant excrement, I have come to learn some stuff about love.

Fhey
Chemistry? Check. Intellectual connection? Check. Cliche breakup line? Check. After almost two years of being together, this college boyfriend surprised me with a midnight breakup with the immortal line: It's not you, it's me. A couple of years later, I did find out that that line summarizes what was integrally wrong with our relationship: he was a closet gay.

Lesson learned: While having chemistry and connection is very important in a relationship, liking too many things isn't. Case in point: if both of you like men, that relationship can never be romantic.

Mr. Crustacean
Any girl would admit to swooning thanks to a lean body and a killer smile. Mr. Crustacean was a looker but he his conversation topics were limited to NBA (which I don't watch unless it's the season finals), his gym routine, and some other topic that I didn't pay attention to nor cared about.

Lesson learned: Some things/people are better admired from afar.

Barista B
While I was still an MA student, The Buddhist and I have made a nearby coffee shop our second home. You know the thing about not shitting where you eat? Yeah, I haven't been a stickler for that. So Barista B and I have been flirting for a while. One day, he presents me with a brownie which had whipped cream drawings atop it. Within a few minutes, I stress ate the brownie and faced an aghast friend. She told me that I was insensitive since, apparently, Barista B wrote this on the brownie: I ♥ you. The kicker: I paid him for the gift and left a tip.

Lesson learned: Don't be a bitch.

Him Who Was Set Up By A Member of the Family
With too many middlemen and messengers, this relationship died way before it even started. Plus, it felt bad being set up by a member of the family and being ambushed with the set up while one is stuffing one's face with Christmas food.


Lesson learned: In these cases, just say 'no'.

The Aged One
He was in his 40s, I was in my 20s. I thought he was gay, he wasn't. The guy dropped several hints that he was interested but I had selective deafness. It was just too...weird.

Lesson learned: Unless you want to have stern lectures and have a wide maturity streak, going for someone waaaay older than you isn't really such a good idea.

The Co-Worker
Talk about convenience. We saw each other six days a week, had lunch together, had cigarette breaks together, and commuted home together. The relationship was not only easy, it also had the allure of keeping it a secret from everyone else. It did, as you may know, end in flames. When I left that company, he and a married co-worker (allegedly) had an affair. Yeah, he really liked them easy.

Lesson learned: Thank God I kept this one hush-hush and no one from there really found out.

The Strange Co-Worker
I take pride in my strangeness. However, I do draw the line and avoid stepping into the pyschotic zone. This particular co-worker was in the later kind of strangeness. He liked me and I didn't. Unfortnately, he was a superior so he made me stay late at the office and edit my work until my brain bled out of my ears.

Lesson learned: Listen to mom, have mace, a Tazer, or a nail cutter in an easy-to-reach place in your bag.

Voodoo Doll
In a story that took ten years to have a lousy ending, this was probably one of the most painful and enlightening experiences I have ever had. This guy liked me since high school, dated me after ten years, and ignored me when I told him I was ready to be in a relationship with him. Oh! And apparently, he had a girlfriend sometime when we were going out. Ouch? Ouch.

Lesson learned: Not every story has a happy ending and it's not entirely true that fortune favors the bold. Declarations of love (and perhaps love) are either hit or miss, there's no grey area.